


Beans and Bacon

by MadBertha



Category: Watchmen - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4006576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadBertha/pseuds/MadBertha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hippy!schach and Daniel discuss vegetarianism</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beans and Bacon

**Title: Beans and Bacon**  
**Rating** : G  
**Summary** : Hippy!schach 

Inspired by a [kinkmeme prompt](http://spam-monster.livejournal.com/3498.html?thread=10626218#t10626218) for Rorschach with long hair. Unfortunately, I never got round to really filling it, down to sexytiems. 

_Cunningly backdated to slip under the radar. Don't blame me for this one, blame scarlet-carsons, who said she'd give a cigar to anyone who would be able to pull it off, which of course, is never something you should say to kinkmemers... guess I won't be getting that cigar. There were quite a few rough parts in that draft, so I did a bit of tweaking._

"Yes, ate meat in the past. But no longer want dead animal rotting in intestines."

"I don't see how that's any different from vegetables rotting in there."

"The New York Free Press reports that bovine flatulence contributes to the depletion of ozone layer. Fat from animals does havoc with the human body. Should consider giving meat up; has affected fat to muscle ratio."

Dan stops in the middle of bringing the plate of bacon and eggs across from the stove. It hovers over Rorschach's head. A silly but tempting proposition enters his mind. However, he's not sure he wants to test whether the limits of his partner's newfound pacifism, and so the plate continues its journey to the table.

As if reading his mind, Rorschach continues, "To become vegetarian is to step into the stream which leads to nirvana." Dan's eyebrows leap upwards of their own volition. "Animals are friends, Daniel, not ethical to kill them."

Not in the mood to engage in a discussion with Rorschach he knows will lead to a debate over self-awareness and somehow meander over to the murky waters of his partner's latest love of Jungian psychology, Dan keeps himself at the level of the pragmatic, "You'd need protein, Rorschach, for muscle strength."

"Mushrooms are 'meat for vegetarians.' Soy is also a suitable replacement. Legumes, nuts..."

"Sorry, Rorschach, I've come all this way from the prohibitions of my heritage. I'd have you know my grandmother was one tough bird and even you can't match her. I won't be giving up bacon for breakfast any time soon."

"Beans. Beans are a good source of protein. Nourishing breakfast."

"Yes, they would be. Of course. Nothing better to wake up to in the morning."

Picking up another sugar cube from the tower he'd built on the table, the sugar cubes being exempt from his dislike of processed and packaged produce, Rorschach adds, informatively, "Helps keep digestive system functioning smoothly. Something relevant to your situation," he insinuates.

"Excuse me?" Dan blinks. "I noticed in Archie that you probably need some attention in that general vicinity, Rorschach. I don't think it's just the cows that are contributing to our environmental problems."

"A low blow. Thought better of you. Sign of a healthy functioning digestive tract."

"Healthy? That wasn't what I thought then. I had to fully open Archie's vents. If you remember, I didn't start..."

"Meat is murder, Daniel." He says it with the certitude he's possessed in the past, when he talked about the effects of fluoride. Come to think of it, reflects Dan, there isn't much difference. He's still suspicious of fluoride, but now he suspects it turns the population into mindless automatons of The Man. Not that Rorchach has adopted that phrase. Dan allows himself one rare instance of thankfulness that things could indeed be worse.

"Fine. Have it your way. There's some lentils in the cupboard. Go nuts. I'll just dig into this, shall I?"

"You are what you eat."

"Yes, and, as of this moment, I am a plate of bacon and eggs."

  



End file.
